Farmer Wants Talent
Farmer Wants a Wife starts off, as usual, with an unnecessary recap. Thankfully, I’ve started a little late tonight, so I can fast forward through all the parts I don’t want to watch. Of course, if that were really true, I’d just keep the fast forward key pressed down until I saw the closing credits.
There are now five girls left, and Ashley seems kinda unhappy to still be there because she didn’t have a great date with Matt. This week, the girls get makeovers: pedicures, manicures and hairdos. They aren’t too excited because the women who will be doing their hair have country hairdos, like side ponytails. But actually, the up-dos look pretty good.
Matt’s idea is for the girls to perform in a talent show, as a challenge, with the town people deciding who does the best. He brings in this trunk filled with silly costumes, plastic batons and hoola hoops. Then they decide what they are each going to do. Christa decides that she will sing, Brooke is gonna teach a line dance. Christa thinks that is silly. I can almost see where this is going. But Christa deserves to get knocked down more often anyway. They try to sing a round of Old McDonald for the finale, but end up bickering to the point that Kanisha walks away and starts packing. Once she talks it over with everyone, she changes her mind and stays. Clearly.
Christa goes first and she does a weird version of Take Me Out to the Ballgame. She thinks she’s talented. I think she’s scary. Ashley is next and she’s totally upset, because she has no talent. So she tells a silly joke and then she makes herself disappear. If only that were true. Kanisha hoola hoops. Badly. (Can you use hoola hoop as a verb?) Next is Amanda who sings the Star Spangled Banner. Fortunately, they don’t make us sit through the entire thing. It wasn’t exactly bad, but it wasn’t that great either. Brooke is last and she teaches the crowd to do the Electric Slide. Christa has an issue with it, of course.
The finale is the girls singing Old Matt Had a Farm. We have to sit through that whole thing, unfortunately. The winner of the talent show is Brooke. I’m not even a little bit surprised. Christa was kinda rude about it, which is also not surprising. I think the town people really like Brooke. Honestly, I do, too.
I hope that Ashley is gone this week. I’m getting more and more tired of her.
Matt arrives in a school bus to see the girls, with a date box. No, sorry, that a Bachelor thing. Matt comes with a gift for Brooke of some really nice boots.
Matt then proposes a hog roast. We’ve done that before and its really a lot of fun. The girls, however, acted like they had no idea what he was talking about. I live in a city, too, but I’m not an idiot, apparently. Ashley and Christa (sorta) get really grossed out by the hog cooking on the spit. I can’t imagine someone making a good farmer’s wife if they don’t care for meat. Then they sit around the campfire and play Truth or Dare. Matt asks Ashley if she finds him attractive and she says yes. She asks him if she is going home. Silence. Well, cut to commercial anyway. The truth is that Matt definitely has two people he is thinking about sending home and she is one of them. I’d say Ashley or Amanda. But Christa wants it to be Kanisha. Matt then asks Ashley if she wants to be there and she says yes.
Brooke pulls Matt aside to tell him that she was a little repulsed by the Matt/Christa kissy thing (he got something on his lips and she licked it off, while Brooke was standing right there), but that she was very attracted to him. She also reminds him that she is the only one that hasn’t had a one-on-one date yet.
The next day Matt has the chicks do pregnancy tests on cows. This includes inserting their arm in the rectum of the cow. He is going to use this for the elimination. Whoever gets the not pregnant cow is going home. I’d elect to go right now, if I had to do that. I’d just turn around, pack up my stuff, and never look back. Both Christa and Amanda have a pregnant cow, so that leaves Ashley and Kanisha. Kanisha’s cow is pregnant. Ashley’s isn’t. Big surprise there. I think Ashley is excited to leave. Matt thinks so, too. Christa is gonna miss her little mean girl pal.
Brooke (Matt calls her Miss B, for some reason) gets the date. Wow, this show is just full of surprises. Matt and Brooke take a small motor boat out onto a little lake or pond and they sit and have iced tea or something. Brooke tells Matt he makes her nervous. Matt asks her why she has charmed the whole town. Then they discuss how many kids they want, and Matt says she isn’t very affectionate. In the middle of him speaking, Brooke leans over and just kisses him. Brooke loved the date. I think Matt did, too.
